A Self-made Man

“Of course we’re not equal, some of us are born to serve” were his exact words yelling as he was visiting me in the valley a few years back. “Do you think Marie Antionette was born to be a regular person? She’s royalty. She was born to be a queen, it’s in her blood.” I was speechless. It was’t just the words that were crowding my ears; it was his delivery. The aggression, the hostility, the anger was a one way track in his delivery. If I cared to push back, I wouldn’t’ even know where to start. 

I didn’t judge. I decided we can talk about other things just to be pleasant since he was visiting me. My mother was present and that didn’t stop him from yelling. We moved on to other topics and they were all centered around him.

I was fooling myself. We had many new arguments and he ended up irritated … he mastered yelling because it worked for him. He talked about a certain ethnicity in Los Angeles and how he never sympathizes with people from that ethnicity. I explained that some people are stuck in circles they can’t get out of but he insisted that if he, who was homeless, (meaning he slept in his car once between his rentals) was able to make it, they have no excuse. 

But was he homeless? That’s open for debate. I uber-ed the other day with a driver who said he was homeless. He told me about his life and it was fascinating to say the least. I thanked him for sharing and told him that it was very inspiring to hear someone being homeless at one point, ending up working as a clerk for 20 years in a major airlines company, then retiring, then working as a cab driver for couple of hours a day to keep busy. He said to me that people shouldn’t judge, he was not judged as a homeless man. He said without the outside help, he couldn’t have dusted himself off and started all over. He said friends and family didn’t give up on him and he was given an opportunity. 

Opportunity is a magical word I tried using with my so-called friend who believed he did it all. He says he’s a self made man. I don’t believe in self-made notion. I believe in the power of people, what they say to us, what they do to us, how long or little they stick to our side, how inspiring a stranger you meet for 5 seconds who delivers an act of kindness or says a phrase that changes your life. I don’t believe in the self-made notion that is egocentric. 

My self-made friend got money, and he is not shy spending it for show. If you buy something he doesn’t have, he immediately justifies why he doesn’t need to have what you bought, just without being asked. 

- I am making this much money because I’m smart and I’m a hard-working ambitious man. I was homeless and I got this job at a respectful well established antique gallery and I, yes I, made them millions. 

- Okay, and how did you get the job? 

- I knew this couple from the days I was working at the bank, they trusted me and I got in touch with them when I quit. They offered me a section in their huge house and trusted me with a job. I could have screwed it up but I didn’t. I worked hard and made them millions. There were some employees stealing from them. I saved their business. 

- So you were given an opportunity that you handled well. 

- No, I was not given any opportunity. I made something for them and for myself from nothing.

- From nothing. You were given a job and a place to live at

- Not really, no. It was not charity handed out to me

- No, but it was however a platform that allowed you to achieve what you did.

- No, it wasn’t. I created that platform and made it all happen.

- I see. So you worked really hard to be where you are today right?

- Yes. Anyone else could have screwed it up. I did not. I actually tripled their business.

- Anyone else could have except you? So if someone else were to be given this opportunity, they would have screwed it up, maybe joined the other employees who were stealing

- Absolutely. 

- I’m just clarifying because it sounds to me that you are unaware of the amazing opportunity that you got and you sound like you made it all happen on your own

- I did make it all on my own. 

- So it was not an opportunity, it was not knowing the couple due to working at the bank at one point, it was not being in the right place at the right time. You simply created an opportunity for yourself.

_ Yes, I made it happen. I am a self-made man

How can you even talk to someone who is so infatuated with himself thinking he is God? I tried, because I cared at one point. I tried to point out that there were many blessings that worked to his advantage. I tried to instill some humility in him but that didn’t go well. Eventually I let go. 

I don’t give up on people easily. However, seeing every discussion turning into arguments, I had to walk away. It was too toxic since it was his way or the highway and so …. opportunity presented itself and I took the highway.