Saturday, May 6, 2017

People Don't Change

A lot of people believe that people are not capable of change and that they are the products of their environment. So regardless if they’re fifteen or fifty, they simply don’t change.

I think we are the product of our environment. But if we don’t change, then we are all victims and our actions and thoughts become predictable. People do change. Some do it consciously and others go through circumstances and experiences that make them change. It can be hard work. People change when they believe there’s more to their beings, when they take the time to reflect on right and wrong, on actions and reactions, and when they’re ambitious enough to take the steps they need to improve their lives. Those who advocate the inability to change on the other hand, choose to be victims.

Some very close friends I grew up with reject the change I inevitably acquired. Some even imprisoned me in the hot-blooded teenager I used to be. Some say they know me better than I know myself. Being able to think on my feet and having my tricks up my sleeve did not serve me in situations I needed to take a step back. Being the one who always had to have the final word made me regret those final words. Being confrontational was counter productive. Making decisions while I was emotional, angry, excited did not turn out to be very smart. But those who tell me that they know me better than I know myself, tell me also that I’m itching to respond, to react, to challenge, to defy, to confront, to even be angry.

When I say I am not itching to do any of the things they mention, that I’ve changed, they say no, no one changes. Some even go as far as “You are your father, I am my father, it doesn’t matter how much you deny it, but you are.” They project the similarities they find between themselves and their parents on you, on me. So not only according to them you don’t change, but also you are trapped in continuing your parents’ legacy whether it is something you want to proudly continue, or you don’t care for. So the question is … why work hard on improving one's self at all if people don’t change?

The irony is, when you catch one of those close friends off guard maybe in an intimate moment, and tell them how much you cherish a certain sweet reaction/quality/behavior they had upon growing up, regardless if it was naive, innocent, spontaneous, or whatever else it might have been, they tell you “I don’t do that anymore. I’ve changed!” So, you can change all you want, but I can’t?

Don't tell me what I'm thinking because you don't know what I'm thinking. Don't tell me what I'm itching to do if you don't see me doing it. And forgive me if I disappoint you but I did change. Your memory of who I was did not change and it sounds like it never will. So go find yourself another friend whom you'll imprison in your memory of their past.

العالم ما بتتغير ... فلسفه قصيرة

في أصدقاء بتقلك ما حدا بيتغير. وفي أصدقاء بتسجنك بماضيك وبترفض تشوف التغير بشخصيتك، بتصرفاتك، وبتفكيرك. لا بل بتقلك شوعم بتفكر وكيف عم تشعر بناء على معرفتهم فيك وقت كنت ..... طفل أو مراهق.

وفي عالم بتامن إنو الأنسان هو نتاج بيئته. وأكيد الأنسان نتاج بيئته بس هادا ما بيعني أنه هو ضحيه بيئته إذا هالبيئه ما كانت بيئه سليمه. وطبعا إنو الانسان ما يكون ضحيه لبيئته بيتطلب مجهود وتفكير وتمييز بين الصح والغلط وفي كتير عالم ما عندها مروه تبذل أي مجهود وبتفضل تلعب دور الضحيه لانه أسهل. 

بس الفكرة إنو الواحد بيتغير وما بيبقى المراهق اللي جوابه ع راس لسانه أو الفخور بانه صاحب الكلمه الأخيرة أو الجريء اللي دائما جاهز للتحدي أو الغبي اللي بياخد قرارات بلحظات عاطفيه أو انفعاليه. الأنسان قادر على التعلم والتطور إذا هو بده.

للاسف،  أقرب الناس الك ممكن حتى تقلك إن نحنا مو بس ما متغير، لا بل منكمل مسيرة أهالينا لاننا نسخة عنهم شئنا أم أبينا وبيعكسوا أوجه التشابه اللي بشوفوها بينهم وبين أهاليهم عليك. بس هادا حكي الكسالى اللي ما عندها طموح انها تشتغل وتطور نفسها.

وبلحظة عفويه ممكن   تذكر صديق قريب من هالاصدقاء بطيبه قلبه بموقف إتخذه بالماضي وهو بكل فخر بجاوبك، هادا كان زمان، أنا اتغيرت.  بقى إنت فيك تتغير متل ما بدك وأنا لا؟

ما تقلي شو عم فكر ولا تقلي شو عم أشعر ولا شو عم اغلي لاعمل ولا تقلي انك بتعرفني أكتر مما أنا بعرف نفسي. وبعتذر إذا خيبتك بس أنا اتغيرت.  الشيء الوحيد اللي ما اتغير هو ذكرياتك عن الشخص اللي كنته من ٣٠ سنه وإذا نظرك ما بمد أبعد من هديك الأيام، عفيني من فلسفتك ومن معرفتك العميقة عني وروح دور ع صديق جديد تسجنه بذكريات الماضي.