Friday, January 15, 2010

Unhealthy friendship!

"Do you love me?". Have you ever asked a friend that kind of question? If you did, read on

Childhood friends, Best friends, just friends, so-so friends, girlfriends and boyfriends and there are a lot of other labels for our relationships with people. It doesn’t matter what we call them, we have different reasons to be friends with them. In most cases, initially it is the kind of satisfaction we get out of those relationships as opposed to what we contribute to those people we’re calling Friends. Admit it or not, it is the case for starting up a new relationship. Certain people make us laugh so we like to hang out with them, other people have really good hearts, we feel good and comfortable being around them, others we enjoy writing to and don't mind the distance, and the list of reasons goes on. Now that could be (and should be) only at the beginning. As time goes by, we develop certain feelings (love if you will) and actually care for that person we call a friend, regardless how the whole thing started.

Friendships that started in the past when we were much easier to get along with, sometimes drag into the present. I'm using the word "Drag" instead of a positive word to point out the one common mistake that a lot of people fall into; the moral obligation of keeping it going for the sake of the shared common history. Going all the way to the past, reflecting on how our relationships started, it used to be simple and about convenience. Like how close by we lived, did we play the same kind of games, how well/bad our grades at school were, what kind of music we listened to, and of course did our mothers allow the friendship. Those are reasons we would not necessarily open up to a stranger as adults and let them into our lives today because now we’re “mature” “selective” “picky” “know what we want” …. etc. I can’t help but cherish the simple life we had when we were simple. It was easy to get along with so many people when we were younger. But that’s not the point here, it is what we do with an ancient relationship when we feel that all it's doing is damage, all its causing is drama, and all it's bringing to the table is grudges. How and when do we stop it? How strong are we to not fall back into it?

So I'm going to ask the real question, "Do you hate me?"  Well, I shouldn't have waited to get to this point, I admit, I made a huge mistake, but I had no way of knowing that watering a damaged plant is like feeding a cancer in your body. All it does is spread it more to destroy you. "Do you hate me?" is a question you should never ask your best friend, or your friend. If you reach that point, know that you should have stopped that friendship a long long time ago.