Walking the Walk Part 2

 

Do dreams come true? I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that many wishes I secretly or publicly wished for did come true. This is my Walking the Walk part 2 that took place here in the United States since Walking the Walk part 1 was about the first twenty six years of my life back home. But my wishes started back home and coming to the US was one of them. Here it goes….

Dream One

When the song “Heaven is a place on earth” came out, I started singing it along Belinda Carlisle referring the the US being heaven on earth. At the time, I knew nothing, absolutely nothing about the US. I didn’t even know the difference between CA and NY. What I did know though is that I wanted to be a singer/songwriter and I wanted to sing in English due to my obsession with the English language and songwriting. I thought that the US would be the place to launch my musical career. I knew I wanted that, I didn’t know where or how to start. I guess that’s why I looked at it as a dream.

I grew up with a friend whom I considered a brother. I loved spending time with him. We talked about the US, we talked about singing, raced to buy Madonna tapes, ran our family chores together, listened to music together. One day out of the blue he called me to go over to his place for a surprise. He started telling me a very long story about his adventure then boom, he flashed his passport in my face showing me the American visa stamped on one of its pages. I was torn apart between feeling joy for him and feeling kind of betrayed that he did it all behind my back while knowing all along that it was what I wanted for my future. We were both 25 at the time.

My choice was to look at his adventure as guidance that filled me with hope . I wished him good luck and off he went to CA. I remember feeling loss when I went with him to the bus station that took him to the airport. I wanted to go with him. I didn’t know that I just lost my best friend.

I made an appointment at the American embassy. I was graduating from school that year and my professor told me that I should get my Masters in the US after reading some of the songs I wrote. I got my bachelors degree in English in September of 1999 and on December 5th of that same year, I was flying to the US. I am finally flying to that place I associated with Belinda’s song. 

My friend who flew three months before me, had already moved from CA to NY by then. He was waiting for me at the airport in NYC. There, I was hoping that we would embark on a journey of discovery together. But that night, I got the second slap on my face when he said to me that we cannot live together. He moved out next morning. I didn’t understand, I couldn’t understand, jet lag, new surroundings, confusion. I did not argue. I was left alone in an underground studio in Brooklyn. He started his career and moved on with his life. I got the news that my scholarship was turned down and the landlord gave me a deadline to leave her studio since I was not working.

Within two months, I packed my bags and left NY to CA after I made a phone call to a childhood friend who told me to come to LA to help me find my place. I took her up on her offer.

I landed in LA and crashed on her sofa in Inglewood for 10 days, found a job as a busboy, and found a tiny little bachelor pad that I rented next to her place and started my American dream. It is weird how things work out. My friend moved to CA and ended up in NY. I moved to NY and ended up in CA. I guess we were just not meant to live in the same state. Or maybe no state was big enough for the two of us to live in. Our relationship was a rollercoaster ride. 

At that time I had my life savings from back home with me; $3000.00. Within a couple of months I lost all my money to a scam artist who claimed that she was a lawyer who could help me change my visa status. Again, I could have taken that as an excuse to pack up and go back home or as a lesson to be careful and stop being naive about trusting people. I was determined to make it. I thought the stolen money was my only insurance in case of emergencies. Little did I know that my youth, my hard work, my ambition, and my discipline were my strengths and my assurance to a future that included many many dreams coming true.


Dream Two & Three & Four

My friend and her family cared for me. They helped me with everything they possibly could. They took me during my very first weekend there to a city called Santa Monica. I fell in love with that city. It wasn’t about comparing it to Inglewood, it was more about seeing how much walking and outdoor activities I could do there. It was about the beach, the parks, the weather, the energy, etc. I secretly wished that one day I could live there but didn’t dare to say it out loud because I had no confidence in myself. It felt at the time as an impossible dream. But I wished for it anyway.

After struggling for three years with many jobs of minimum and below minimum wages from busing tables, to cleaning carpets, building fences, painting walls, being a stock-boy at a liquor store, I finally got accepted at Bank of America as a teller. Even getting that job was after I was rejected by two other banks. I wanted to break the news to my family since my mother was sick worried about me working at a liquor store. Now back in the day, communicating with your folks overseas was not the way we know it today. I had to write letters, yes real letters. I had to call my family’s landline from my landline once a month using expensive calling cards, keep the calls to a minimum, share the good news and hide the bad ones. I told my mom that I became a teller at the bank. She was so excited that I finally quit the liquor store where two guys before me were shot to death (and of course I didn’t share that part of my story with her, neither did I tell her that I was assaulted in front of my Inglewood apartment, ended up unconscious at UCLA emergency room with broken bones, bleeding mouth, concussion, and no memory for three days).

My mom told me that in no time I will become a manager. That was NOT my dream. My dream was to save $10000. I had been living hand to mouth for a few years by then and I wanted to make money so I could start recording my music. I found a second job as a barista at Starbucks at night and the process of saving started.

Within six months of being a teller, I became a personal banker. I moved out of the bachelor pad in Inglewood to a studio in Culver City and bought my first brand new car; a Toyota corolla with manual windows, manual door lock, manual everything, and I was the proud owner after driving a 1987 beat-up rusted corolla for two years. Dream two came true, I finished recording my first record titled “Silence in a Voice” by age 30. Dream three came true, I saved my first $10K.

Within two years of being a banker, I became a manager (my mom’s dream came true) and I quit Starbucks to start tutoring Arabic as a second language. Dream four came true, I moved out of my Culver City studio to a one bedroom apartment in Santa Monica, two blocks away from the Third Street Promenade and 4 blocks away from the beach. I lived there for 3 years and moved to a two bedroom unit a block closer to the beach where I stayed for 4 years. I lived in my dream city for 7 years. I never took any day there for granted. I loved it there. While working for the bank I met a couple who worked for a plastic surgeon and we become best friends. Keeping up with the corporate never-ending policies, I articulated casually my wish to work for a small business one day, like them.

Dream Five & Six & Seven

I wanted to own my own condo so I started saving for a down-payment. After watching a documentary called “The Secret”, I embraced the positive outlook on life in so many aspects; one of which, there is enough for everyone. I quit banking and started advertising my tutoring jobs on craigslist. I officially started my own business.  Bank of America asked me to go back as a part-time personal banker and in return they offered me benefits. It was a no -brainer so I worked at the bank two and a half days a week and tutored at every opportunity. I started going to open houses to look for two-bedroom condos and I stumbled across a charming condo in the city of West Hollywood. I loved West Hollywood. I found it similar to Santa Monica; a city where one could walk to restaurants, the gym, grocery stores, bars and clubs, & coffee-shops. I knew that I would want to live there. It was slightly less expensive than owning a place in Santa Monica but way too expensive for me. I ended up in a city I’ve never heard of before then; Valley Village. I ended up where I was very clear on not wanting to be; the Valley.

Little did I know that the Valley was my good luck charm; starting my Masters program, transitioning to West Hollywood, and working for a small business all happened there. My tutoring went up from kids, to high-school graduates, and from undergraduates to graduates. It inspired me to go back to school and get my Masters in teaching English as a second language so dream 5 came true. While living there, I met with a doctor who owned a medical Spa and ended up working for him and dream 6 came true. Finally, after living there for 4 years, I made a good profit selling my condo which I used as a down payment on a condo in West Hollywood.


Dream Eight and Nine and hundred …..

I continue believing now more than ever that if things were meant to happen, they will happen. But attracting them is the first step. To attract something, one should believe that good things can happen to him/her and that they are worthy of receiving those good things. I have so many dreams that I couldn’t make come true in timely manners. One of them was being able to find my mother a place to live on her own. Having a parent living with you in your forties is no joke. But no matter how hard I worked at it, it was not happening. I didn't want to give up but I'm only human and sometimes patterns of failed events tell you stories that make you desperate. Mom stayed with me for six years before I could have her move into the only place she wanted to move to; downtown Burbank. Now she's happy that she settled down somewhere safe where she's able to walk her walks and feel somewhat independent. I am happy that she's happy and I am very proud of her. 
Another dream that did not come true is breaking into the music industry. Do I still write songs? Hell yes. Do I still believe that I could become a singer? Well, I am a singer. But that was meant to remain a hobby. I am still writing the soundtrack of my life and singing at every opportunity. I believe in magic and I believe that I deserve good things so I dare to dream them and if half of them come true, then I’m so damn lucky. I also believe that nothing will come true if I sit down and wait for things to fall in my lap. Magic can happen with hard work and that’s the difference between talking the talk and walking the walk. 
They say that people don't age when their skin wrinkles, but rather they age when their hopes and dreams wrinkle. I will always dream with hope and believe that anything is possible and most importantly that I’m worthy.