My Story with "كذبة" a so-called "Friend"

"Lie to me once, and I'll place my trust in my experience and judgment, instead of …………. in you".

When you don't lie, you don't think that people lie to you. Yes, that's me telling you that I don't lie. I don't like lying because I feel that if I lie to you, then at one point I'll forget what I lied about and have to cover it up with another lie, then cover up the second lie with a third lie and so on. Choosing to tell the truth makes life simple. I like simplicity but the story I'm about to tell has nothing simple to it. Here's how it goes:

Once upon a time over 10 years ago, I met a nice shy little girl in NYC when I first arrived to the US. She and I moved separately to California shortly after our first encounter. We both worked in the same field and lived close by, we hit it off.

Our relationship was innocent, spontaneous and full of joy. She traveled back to NYC for work. But fate brought her back to California for the second time and I couldn't be any happier. And for the sake of keeping her name confidential since she's not a work of my imagination, I will ironically call her "Kezbeh" and as you read on, you might figure out why.

Kezbeh was young and so cute, she used to dream real big. Her imagination had the sky as the limit and her conversations were full of hope and ambition. She was also very hard working and culturally well diverse. Kezbeh almost knew it all, almost,  just not quiet yet.

Kezbeh loved helping people, however, her eagerness to meet everyone's needs put her sometimes in trouble because she would not say to anyone "I don't know". She would voluntarily give the answers; even when she had the slightest knowledge about the topic in question. I remember telling her once "Kezbeh, it's okay to say "I don't know", I ask questions but my questions are sometimes rhetorical, I'm really not after the answer" But that never stopped her, it alas, challenged her more.

Not only she didn't stop at giving answers, which put her in trouble over and over, she also refused to learn from her mistakes. She was the prefect example of "History repeats itself" only in her case, there was not really enough history before it repeated itself. It became an addiction and she wanted to be like a bell that rings from any side you ding and ring it. Kezbeh wanted to always be the center of everyone's attention and she found out that when she exaggerates in telling her stories, people get more interested. That became her art ...............  the Art of Exaggeration.

Now Exaggeration as we all know involves sometimes little white lies. But the lies of Kezbeh were far away from being white, or even as the French put it " blanc-casse " and she always justified those flashy colors by saying that when you spin a rainbow colored wheel fast, you get white.

Kezbeh's life became a gamble, and she became addicted. It got sick when she started believing her own lies and living them as if they were the ultimate truth; an ongoing fictitious world she chose to step into, out of reality. She kept on standing people up. Same with friends, even her mother. She became disrespecful and careless. She extended her lies to her own husband and started cheating on him…. only that time with ....... women. The mentality behind it, or the lie behind it was "Cheating with same sex is not considered cheating, it's more like: exploring". She dragged every one who came her way into her game one way or the other. It all became so messy and a lot of people dropped out of her circle. I personally had to draw the line when I found out that Kezbeh was covering up her "casual" relationships by telling her husband that she's been hanging out with ................. ME!!!!

I had closure with her first. I gave her the benefit of the doubt way too many times. I had a heart to heart conversation with her about her choices, but nothing worked. My conscience is clear.

With everything she did, I was not disappointed at all. Look at people's actions, listen to their words and place your trust where it should be placed. You'll never be disappointed.

"Lie to me once, and I'll place my trust in my experience and judgment, instead of …………. in you".
"Lie to me again, and I'll know that you're always .... always joking. And I get it ............... hilarious".

Children Versus Adults

Do you have nephews and nieces? do you have children between the age of 2 and 5? Do you pay any attention to how easily they're amused and how simple it is to entertain them? There's happiness in children that you can't see in adults. That happiness is always there, in their eyes, in their smiles and it's real.

Children love participating in everything, especially with the adults they live with. You say let's go to the supermarket and they scream their hearts out and declare in triumph that they're going to the supermarket. So imagine the noise they would make when you tell them that you're taking them to Disneyland or six flags. Their whole world is in the 4 walls of your house, their safety, their references, their little history. They're happy with the small back yard that you always wish it was bigger. They love the neighborhood that you keep telling yourself that it is not where you belong, it's temporary. They love the bathtub that keeps on reminding you that it's time for renovation. And they love you in all your moods, and all your looks and they really want nothing in return more than you getting down to your knees to play for a little while with them or listen to their adventures.

But what's most fascinating about children is the freedom they have. Those free spirits are wild because they don't care about the past or the future. All they care about is the moment. That's where their freedom comes from. Today they want to eat, play, rest and play and eat again. Tomorrow? oh well, tomorrow sounds like ages away. Yesterday? we fought? oh, here you go, I don't want that little car anymore, you can have it.

There's no one, children need to impress, other than mom and dad. Even those, impressing them is not a constant complicated work in progress. It's a simple gesture to get their attention. They don't have to dress up for a client, or wear a certain brand to impress the interviewer or go to a certain restaurant to be seen by certain people and get the approval of a certain "popular" society. They go anywhere, wear anything, care less about what the neighbors might or might not say. They just want to be. But then you come and domesticate those free spirits and teach them valuable lessons about life. You start using the word "wrong", "unacceptable", "SHAME" and "bad" and they learn to be less of themselves. With that powerful knowledge, they start clipping the freedom they have. Then the older they get, the less they participate in certain activities, the less they go to certain places, the less they want to eat certain kind of food, and the less they want to wear this and that color. And you wonder and even tell them "Who do you think you are! We are doing this and we are going there" but you don't remember that it's all the "appropriate" behaviors that you implanted in their circle of freedom, in their "be"ing. So the older they get, the less they participate in..... life.

It doesn't take them long before they're a copy of what we want them to be, slaves to society, blind folded and led like the rest of us to play the boring Adults" game. And it's simple, just repeat those words about "Shame" and insert more if the "Guilt" in them to play along. You take more and more of their spontaneity and tame them from wild to well behaved. And it's okay because you didn't know any better and you were brought up the same way. The constant need of being "Accepted" in your society.

But the question that made me want to go back to being a child again is, has it ever been enough? Does the "game of being an adult" ever satisfy that constant work in progress and leave us content and wanting nothing else, or do we always want more? are we ever happy and filled with joy the same way we had when we were kids? Are we ever where we want to be? Is any of it real? does any of it last?

Children, the dream of life. The look of jealousy we have when we see their happiness, knowing that it's a work of perfection.
Children, the constant reminder of what we failed in, to get a second chance to realize and achieve, only this time not in us, in them.
Children, the wild and free spirits running around us and being themselves with no shame, that make us more ashamed, not of their behaviors really, but of ourselves.
Children, an opportunity to get even with life. Let's domesticate them too.

There's a child still in you, don't domesticate your children, but reach within and un-domesticate the child in you. Set him/her free to play with the children you have. Make peace to yourself and achieve the dream of "Simplicity, Innocence, Freedom and Happiness"

"That cold morning, was the end of my mourning, for when I reached deep inside, I got in touch with the child, who whispered good morning, the snow will keep on falling, but it will make peace and turn all white" Tony Rabbat

http://apps.facebook.com/ilike/artist/Tony+Rabbat/track/Epilogue

Evil Eye

Evil Eye

When I tell my friends that I won the lottery and published the news on Facebook, they look at me as if I lost my mind to let the whole world know that I won. The common reaction comes from their concerns about protecting myself from the evil eye. But what is the evil eye?

A student of mine told me that people can put you under a spell and you won't be able to cast their spell without another. She said that people do black magic and witchcrafts that would turn my luck around so it's best to share as little as possible.

Mom brought me a round blue piece of glass with a white circle then a black dot in its middle. She asked me to put it on my door. She said that it takes away the evil eye, so if people envy me, my luck won't go away. She told me one evening as we were heading back from the ocean, right after she heard me acknowledging the blessings in my life, that I should stop saying out loud how lucky I am because I might jinx myself.

I have mentioned in the past that I'm not a superstitious man; but don't get me wrong, I say "knock on wood" and I did put the divine blue glass piece on my door, yet I feel that it's kind of cultural and habitual. I don't believe that I should put the salt on the table instead of handing it to another person if I'm asked to pass the salt. I don't believe that I if I carried a bag, that I should never put it on the floor but always on the couch. I don't consider whistling in the PM summons the devils. And I certainly don't believe that I should never walk in between two poles. I guess there's a limit to how much I would let those things control my life.

Some women say that parents jinx their own kids. When my friend delivered her first born, I couldn't help but fall in love with her. She was the most charming innocent creature that you can hold in your hands. I was not able to express my love and admiration towards her in front of his grandmother, because she would rebuke her own parents if they do that or if they share that she's growing so fast and that her clothes don't fit her anymore. It got to a point where I really wanted to ask for a manual, what is allowed to say and what's not.

Now mind you, I'm not a religious person and I don't believe that someone can focus their negative energy over another person to cause them damage and harm. I do believe that you can bring negative energy to yourself by being negative all the time, I also believe in being positive too. And I believe in coincidences, ever heard of a coincidence? But what I find disturbing the most is that those who are big on the "Evil Eye" are the ones who claim that they're religious. So my confusion is this, since they believe in God, how come they also believe that God would allow us to control each others' lives and lucks by being envious, jealous and evil. Steven Weinberg wrote "If there is a God that has special plans for humans, then He has taken very great pains to hide His concern for us. To me it would seem impolite if not impious to bother such a God with our prayers." Why bother and pray if the evil eye is around us? Sooner or later our prayers will be strangled with the power of the "Evil Eye".


P.S: I didn't win the Lottery ;-)

Winning The Lottery

This was no Coincidence, it was meant to happen that way


It was Tuesday July 13 2010 and to tell you about it, I have to go to Monday the 12th, I worked at the bank, I was supposed to work from 9:15 to 6:15, at night around 8 pm, I was supposed to have two students to teach them Arabic till 10 pm. Yes I wasn't crazy about Mondays, but this is how I make money. One of my students whom I teach on other days called me and asked me for a lesson on Monday, I told her I could squeeze her between the bank and my other two students whom I called and asked if I could push them till 8:45 pm. Everything worked out fine, I had a long day with only 20 minutes lunch break. At night I had salad before bed and went to bed close to midnight to wake up next morning and take mom to a market that was pretty far away from where we live.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, I had an awful back pain, but I heard Mom telling my sister on Skype that we will take off shortly to that market, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was in pain, also I usually work out at the gym first thing in the morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I thought I shouldn't risk a work out now with that pain, maybe I should wait till the evening and see if I recover.

So I asked Mom what time she would prefer to take off. We decided to take off then and there, but as she was saying goodbye to my sister, the door bell rang, I sarcastically said "Excuse us, we have visitors" I was 100% sure it was some kind of marketing, but it wasn't. Our downstairs neighbor came up to tell me that the roof in his kitchen was leaking water. Come to find out that it was the pipe under the kitchen sink and everything under that pipe was soaking wet. I immediately called the apartment manager to send someone, they said they wouldn't be able to send a plumber before Wednesday noon. I said please try to find someone faster than that, I have things in the sink, we have people coming over for lunch, I need to use the sink. They said that they'll try another plumber and call me.

So then, a change of plan, we couldn't go to the market, we couldn't leave our place and it was such a beautiful day after a whole week of overcast weather and occasional rain, in July.

Now, I wasn't meant to go to the gym or to the market, so I decided to take a walk with mom in the Palisades Park, so that if they called, I'm home in 10 minutes. We took the playing cards, some tea and snacks, and off we went. The place we usually go to was full of elderly people from some organization that day. We were not able to sit at any table, everything was taken, so we kept on walking to the north end of the park, a place we have never hung out at before. There were plenty of tables and benches. We settled down and started a new game.

The game we play is a French game, we have been playing that game for two months now, and I won 7 games and mom won one. She said that she was going to win that day, and she even put the score as 7 to 2 instead of 7 to 1. As we were playing, she kept on winning, huh? and at one point she said, we should play the lottery today, I said sure, she said I'm not kidding, every card that I wished to have, I got. So now I wish to play the lottery. Now mind you I don't believe in those things, but I said okay, we'll play the lottery. While we were there, again, a place we never hang out at, my realtor happened to be there taking a walk, he doesn't live anywhere close by, but was showing a house and was done early so he decided to take a walk. He saw us so he came by. I asked him about the house he was showing and it turned out to be a gorgeous house worth $ 3 millions. When he left, I said to mom, what are the chances of running into my realtor and she said maybe it's time for You to buy a house, after we win the lottery. And as we played more, she kept on getting surprised how every card she asked for, she got.

Long story even longer, we had to go to the third street promenade and play the lottery. We always play ONE ticket, I mean the odds are great whether you play 100 tickets or one, it takes one lucky set of numbers. But as we were there, I don't know how or why or even where did this idea come from but I suggested to mom to also play the Mega (another game we NEVER play usually) since she was feeling lucky that day. well guess what, she did.

So let me recap, I woke up with a back pain, I was supposed to be at the gym, we were supposed to leave to the market, but everything happened to keep us in Santa Monica that Tuesday Morning, and to take us to withdraw couple of lottery tickets from a certain place, at a certain time, this was NOT a coincidence, it was meant to happen that way. And sure enough….




That day was one of our luckiest days………. ever



because


And I can't believe I'm really sharing that in a blog, and I promise so many people that when I win, I'll share, and I keep this promise and I'm sharing...


we





did NOT win the lottery




But it was an assurance to us that we are meaning making machines that attach some kind of meaning to everything that happens in our lives

Get you through the Night

Baby, look at me, lift your head up and look into my eyes.


Just hold my hand and let me hold yours


I will not say a word, I won't talk. I’ll just listen


And if you don’t feel like talking, that’s okay too


but know that I’m here for you and I’m going nowhere


Lay your head down on my shoulder baby and cry if you need to


Just be……… let it out, just be…. It’s okay


I can’t promise you that it will be better tomorrow,


But I promise that I’ll do whatever it takes to help


And things will be alright with time.


I’m here to support you


You’re not alone


Let me stay with you today,


Just to get you through the night


Tomorrow, the sun will shine again


And I’ll still be here

A Dream

I have a dream, and my dream fills up my heart and gives me purpose
It makes me want to wake up in the morning,
Want to start my day as early as possible,
Want to work as hard as I can,
It makes me tolerate any difficulty and any obstacle that might occur,
And when it comes true, and it always does,
It makes me forget any damage or hurt that happened along the way of pursuing my dream,
It makes me celebrate the success of being able to express myself, not to others, but to myself first.

Expressing my dream has to make sense to me.
If I'm not the biggest fan of my dream,
If I don't believe it can come true,
If I don't trust that it will happen,
If it doesn't put me in a trance,
If it doesn't land me on cloud nine,
Then my dream is a fantasy. And it doesn't matter.

And if it doesn't matter, it will die
And if it dies, It will create a void
And that void will suck my energy and shrink my horizon
It will take me back to the starting point where there's no light

And when my dream comes true,
It gives me hope that my other dream will also come true.
And then my other dream will come true too.
So I tell myself to dream again,
And give hope to my dream.
And it's how I perceive it, then approach it, then protect it, then work for it,
That shapes the identity of my dream

My dream does not have to take place at night
When the stars and the moon shine
It happens when I wake "myself" up
Which is never enough on its own
Because I have to give my dream/myself a direction
Give it, not just hope, but a home to come back to

I will never put out the light of my dream
I will keep it alive as long as I'm breathing
Because it is my dream that makes my life worth living
And I'm not limiting myself to one.
Dream on

I've leanred my lesson, I will listen

In Syria they say, "Walk along a funeral and don't get involved in an arranged marriage." The mentality behind that is simple: when someone brings two strangers together to get married, if it does not work out, they take the blame. Sometimes when it does work out, they still take the blame for every obstacle down the road. However, in a funeral, you give your condolences and walk away. No strings attached.

Once upon a time in a harsh cold winter of 1999-2000 in NYC, I met a wonderful woman in her early 40s. I was new to Manhattan, new to the American culture and she was from the same background as myself, so she offered to show me around. We met 2 or 3 times and we had fun walking around, dining and talking about the people we're both related to. Nothing personal was discussed so I didn't know much about her. But it was really good hanging out with her and asking for her guidance.

Shortly after, my journey’s destination was switched to California to achieve the American Dream; becoming a stock boy at a liquor store that is. I was only 26, so the title fit me so well. An opening in a very prestigious liquor store owned by a Lebanese legend opened up, I had my people talk to his people. After a couple of interviews later,
I got the job that people were lining up and competing over. It was a blessing. 

On Fridays, we received the shipments of liquor to place on shelves, racks, a walk-in cooler and in the back. Doing that was never a piece of cake. I still remember that one Friday evening after I was done stocking all boxes, I was physically exhausted. I went to the cash register to help customers with their purchases (can you see how quickly I moved up, I got a promotion without a raise) traffic slowed down a lot by then. The last customer in my line introduced himself and started asking me questions about my background, turned out he was also Syrian. As we were chatting, he asked me if I knew any decent woman who was single and looking to get married, he said he finally got over a nasty divorce and now he’s ready to fall in love all over again. I immediately said I didn’t know anyone, I mean come on, I hardly knew the guy, my history was only six months in the US, and now I'm arranging marriages!!!. But after I warmed up a little to the man, I told him that I actually knew a single gal who was wonderful, just not sure if she were looking. I told him first that she lived in a different state then I told him I thought she looked good and I noticed that the more I told him the more he got interested. The man seemed nice and friendly, I thought if I could help… why not!!!. When I told him where she worked, his eyes opened up with disbelief, I mean the woman held a very important title in a prestigious company. I was hoping that he was not getting intimidated or anything like that. I told him her age, so I interpreted the drop of his lower jaw as, he’s getting more and more interested, then I mentioned the state she worked at, yes yes, we all love NY and NYC, but I never imagined that he would actually jump all over me holding my hand and saying, go on go on, what's her name.

Oh boy, it felt good, I felt so important arranging for two people to fall in love, I mean don't get me wrong, I was already feeling so important with the extremely high-tech and complicated job I held back in the day, but this even felt better. I opened my mouth to utter her name, and before I got to her last name I heard him screaming at me saying "I can't believe it, you're hooking me up with my ex-wife!!!!!!!"

I will leave it to your imagination, what I felt and what I wanted to do with myself after I heard those words. But now I know, those old sayings, they're there for a reason, they didn't come out of the blue.... I should have listened